February 12, 2015


I don't like to fight with people, but sometimes I just can't simply keep my mouth shut.

This week I have been noticibly down, maybe it's because I haven't been sleeping well or things just haven't been going my way.

I haven't been able to paint.

And as I point fingers at everyone else, I'll soon realize that it's me being the complete grouch.

I just don't want to believe it.

It was Matias birthday this week which was really nice. We ate an entire slab of ribs with hush puppies and carrot cake for dessert.

It was sweet.

Then afterwords, I turn sour from being too full and become more stubborn than ever. Then, I have to go out and talk to people.

The worst thing ever is talking to people when you don't want to talk at all. 

That night was fine. I talked as one kid goes on about the grammy's and past facts as his high doses of adderal wears off as he wears on me.

I get sick of it.

I don't know why, but people make me feel dumb.

Or maybe more numb than anything since I know I'm not an idiot.

When I talk, I get at least one person genuinely listening.

And the doctors prescribe adderal to relate, but it just makes me skinny and sick.

It makes your brain fat with knowledge that fills you up so much your stomach hurts.

And my friends tell me I act differently when doctors said it would help.

I find myself closed in a room and there's no one to talk too.

Adderal is such a strange thing to me, why has our schools become so tolerate to such an artificial learning. I wish my teachers could accept my style of writing and bless me in some other kind of way. And as they push me farther away from wanting it, I find myself closing in on myself.

I want to learn so I can feel peace, but this headache won't go away.


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