October 31, 2010

no candy for me

Hettie Price
10/11/10
English 1st period-Zwirner

Hello, and I will be teaching your class

 My long skirt flowed as eyes turned. I stumbled over to my friends at the 8th grade table. They all looked up and down my outfit. Some mouths dropped,others held in a smile. Kids leaning forward with eyes watering trying to block their faces as loud honks of laughter exploded from their mouths. They clenched their sweatshirts over their jaws trying to cover up the howls. It sounded like a chorus. They all added in one after another. I had to join in too.
That morning, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Doing the usual, I tied my hair up in a knot on top of my head adding a ridiculously  sized bow. Looking at my plain face, I managed to put on lipstick as my eyes were half closed. I was extremely tired from the night before, I was up late doing homework. I stumble down the stairs and into my closet of a room. Clothes on the floor, on the bed, on the dresser, in the closet. I sit there and look in that closet for about 5 minutes. To myself, I think of what  kind of mood I was in. Today was corky. I pull out my favorite long white prairie skirt, that I got in New York at this retro Japanese market. I called out to my mom, "Mom, what's the weather?". "Slightly chilly at the moment, but It will warm up later!" She calls back to me as she brings me a cup of warm coffee. My mom makes it the best. I take a few sips, set it down, and keep looking. I took out my chunky sweater and threw it over my head, slipping each arm into the warm knit sleeve. Glancing the mirror, I looked tremendous. Even the bow complimented my shoes. I rushed down the stairs, tripping on the back of my long dress. As my mom pulls the car to the side, I add another layer of lipstick. Just for that unnecessary dramatic look I love. I heard my mom honk as I run outside and into the car. My moms smile looked like it hurt. Her cheeks puffed up and her eyes squinted as if she was blinded by sun. "You are your mothers daughter…" She said while she looked back at the road still smiling. 

My mom and I have always been close. She's that person who always is doing something for someone else. There isn't a day she's not in the kitchen, where I can smell the array of over dosed spices and the warm feel of the oven. When the house is a mess, she is in the living room folding all of our clothes after she washed it. She's always that person I could go to if I had any problems because I know she will never doubt me and she will always believe in me. I look up to my mom, not only in that way, but also in the way of inspiration. I look back on what my mom was when she was my age. She wore big hats and white flared pants. She inspires me to be myself as she did when she was younger. She didn't care what other people thought of her as long as she was happy with who she was.  So, I've grown up in that environment thinking being different is better. 
As I got to school, I looked at what I was wearing and I thought how cool I looked. Even though, I was scared of what I was going to hear. The most I could fear was me not being able to be myself because of what people say. When people looked at me and laughed. I realized, I just had to laugh too. So, when kids shouted down the hallway, "Grandma! You came to visit". The only thing I could do was make the best impression of a grandma and say, "Come here and give me a kiss". I got the grandma one a lot during that long 8 hour day. I also got people asking me if I was homeless and if I was in a play. My day was pretty exciting, I never knew what people were gonna say to me next. Each class I go to I get really excited to see the different reactions with when I enter. So, when the people get a laugh out of what I wear. I also get a laugh with all the different faces. Their faces were frozen as if they had just seen something horrible. Eyes wide and mouth open, a little drool crawling down the corner of each lip. Eyebrow's crunched together facing inward, face pinched, eye's squinted. A blank dull stare or a full mouth of laughter about to burst. Those are probably the most initial reactions I get.
I sit waiting for the bell to ring. I kick my chair back and step up as it buzzed into my ear. I pick up my stuff and hurry to my 3rd period class. I walk fast because I think I'm going to be late. I actually end up being the first one there. I take my seat and gently toss my backpack next to me. On the board it reads, "Mrs. George will be your sub today". I'm the only one in the classroom for about 2 minutes. I hear a chuckle from one of the random kids, that kid who just sits in the back, never talks, he doesn't even bring anything to class, you always look for him, just to make sure he's still alive. I could hear him down the hallway before he even walked into the class room. He took a good 15 seconds to read the board. Turn towards me and say, "Are you the sub?". He had a stupid blank expression wiped across his face. That even made me madder. He had no clue what he had done. He actually thought, I was the sub. I thought I was gonna stand up and slap that kid across the face. It would leave a large red imprint of my hand across my face and stay there for the whole class. Do I look like I'm old enough to be a sub? I wanted to shake him and scream, "I've been in your class since the first day of school". My hands clasped my desk and I pierced my lips trying to hold the anger in. "No". I wanted to get up and scream. He finally realized it was me, Hettie. Squinting his eyes leaning his face towers me. I eyed him back. Coming a little closer, "Oh! It's just Hettie" He says as he sits down. I sat in that 45 minute class forever. Exchanging glances between all the people in the class. By the end of the period, I was still just calming down. I couldn't even process how funny other peoples reactions were. I was too upset.
At that point, I thought It was over. I'm never dressing anything different ever again. Being called grandma is a compliment right? People love their grandmas. So, I didn't take that one personally. When I'm mistaken for a sub when I've been in that class for the whole year. I actually got a little upset, I have to admit. The rest of the day, I sat in silence. The boy's words repeating in my head. It hit me like a bee sting and the pain stayed there. It's funny how someone can say something and not mean anything by it, but it can ruin that person day. While he goes home to play video games, I go home to soak up all the things people have said to me.
I went home that day and did a lot of strong thinking. I sat in my darkened room and decided if I were ever dress 'cool' (in my opinion ever again). This was gonna be a big deal since I always dressed weird from day one.I literally did. When I was 1, I wore stripped overalls with red shoes. I turned on my deep music and rested my head back on the pillow. Arms spread wide as if someone was holding me down. I thought of all the things people said to me always. All the times people said grandma, and go back to the 1900s. All the 'Are you a teacher?' or 'Are you a new student?'. Would It be worth never being myself every again? No, It would not.
Through all the things people could say to me. I shouldn't listen to any of them. They may be true or they may not be. Either way, it doesn't matter if they are or aren't. All that matters is that you are happy with who you are and no one can take that away from you. Even if they do think you look like a sub or a grandma. I look back at this moment of ever thinking I would stop being myself, I fear it will happen. There are so many times, I feel different and left out. It's those times that could change me into something I'm not. All the times, I get upset and hurt over the people say. In the end though, I realize how much more my own thoughts count compared to theirs. I will never change who I am. No matter what people say or think. I rather be teased for something stupid then change who I really am.

On halloween, I had a paper to write. How fantastic is that. Maybe it would help if I had some readers read my boring narrative to themselves and just tell me what you think. Also, tell me what you think the meaning/ what it shows about me. The whole goal of the paper is too see something about me through this time. So, what do you think?

7 comments:

  1. you are an brave and creative individual who isn't afraid to express them self. You dress the way you want even if it isn't the way most of the girls do at school. You step out of the box becuase you're not a follower. You're you. you rather dress creative and fun than dress boring like some others. you don't change yourself to be like others, becuase you're happy being you

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  2. I think that your essay is great. The only problem with it is that you have a lot of grammar errors. I would have to say that what you got out of the incident was that it doesn't matter what people think of you, as long as you are happy with where you are in life. Your mom made this impression on you while you were growing up, and you stuck to it. Even though you do get hurt by the mean things people say to you, you don't let them change who you are. You want to be different than the others instead of conforming to society. I love it.

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  3. I think that was great. You're an amazing individual that so many people look up to, don't change for others

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  4. you are the bravest, most stylish person i have ever met. Don't change Hettie, you show me there's hope in the north shore. and if u change that means there is no hope left. Please, be you.

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  5. you should seriously think about being a writer.
    im serious.

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  6. i'm in your class :) and this is great I hope you get an A+ cause mine sucks

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  7. me, the person you ended the complicated relationship withNovember 1, 2010 at 8:30 PM

    i have zwirner too

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