hey, Hettie has feelings too

From being as the NAMES program, I feel like I have realized many new things.

NAMES PROGRAM= A BULLYING PROGRAM

First, I was really nervous for this. I don't really handle emotions very well. I mean like yes, I have feelings. I have a lot of them, but there are so many that I just block out. And I felt like today was that day where I was going to have to dig them back up and nail them to my forehead saying, "Look! Look! You really are a freak!". And why would I want to put those mean words back into my head? So there was my first impression of names. 

It actually turned out very well though. I felt very open to people after. I spoke in front of 500 people saying how I feel uncomfortable at New Trier which is the truth. I'm not a huge target, so, my speaking wasn't a big deal. I just wanted to show that I do care what others do say. When it takes a lot to show your inner being and dress a little different and someone comments like oh you look so stupid or like why would you even wear that? I do take it very personal. Lately, I have grown to be that person who does 'block' out all of those comments. I kind of have them stored to the back of my brain. All compacted and sorted by ABC's. I do laugh at the jokes because they are funny and I would laugh at myself too if I did see what I was wearing. So, the least you can do is take it as a joke or shove them to the back of your brain.

And for everyone else, holy crap. I really think thats all I have to say. And that I'm here for anyone.

TOUGH GUY HETTIE HAS MOVED ON

Lately, I actually haven't been myself. I've been someone feeling horrible and craving for any nice comments I could get my hands on. Even if I have to exploit myself in a negative way. It was only until a few days ago when I actually realized I wasn't being who I was.

Finally, I get to start over and go back into being myself and doing what I love.

I now shop on EBAY as a living.

I don't eat red meat.

I wear colors and I speak up.

I tell people how much I love them and I mean it.

No more mean comments made by me.

I won't get influenced by the wrong people.

I will bring berry with me everywhere.

I hate thursdays.

Give all to others and think of yourself lately.

Trust few.

I wear my hair in a low ponytail.

I'll talk to anyone and I crave to make people smile.

A collection of sea glass sits near my bed.

I go to sleep early and wake up early.

I listen.

My jokes will only be as half as creepy as before.

My favorite animals are rats and great white sharks.

A lot of people say you can't judge a book by its cover, I'm an acceptation. 

Hey, if you need to start over whenever. So be it.